


Of Misquoted Sayings and Maudlin Love

by Amanda_Yates



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Actors Arthur and Merlin, Angst like Woww, COs I know zilch about filming, Filming, Liberties taken with filming scenes, M/M, Pining Arthur, Repentant Arthur, UST, past bullying, past trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2015-09-14
Packaged: 2018-04-20 18:48:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4798484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amanda_Yates/pseuds/Amanda_Yates
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur's in love, never mind the fact that he'd been able to realize this truth only when he is twenty seven years old when he'd been in love ever since he was thirteen years old and saw Merlin Emrys for the first time. Not realizing his emotions for what they are he bullies Merlin, almost to the point that Merlin has to drop out of uni and as old sayings go it comes back to bite him in the arse when he's undeniably, ardently, achingly in love with Merlin when Merlin can't even bear the sight of Arthur.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Misquoted Sayings and Maudlin Love

**Author's Note:**

> http://archiveofourown.org/works/4790132
> 
> THis is an out take from the story, for those of you who haven't read it already please give it a chance??

**OF MISQUOTED SAYINGS AND MAUDLIN LOVE**

There was an old saying that goes something like this, and since he was not a textbook nerd he was going to improvise this and say it, basically it says ' _whatever wrong you do it will come to bite you back in your own arse someday'_ and there was also the biblical saying that went something like, 'if you kill with a blade you will die by a blade' again he was improvising, no offense meant to people who were persnickety about quoting things verbatim.

See he hadn't even introduced himself yet, well here it goes then. His name is Arthur Pendragon, tall meaning nearly six feet, he was five feet eight inches but that was near enough to six was it not? Anyway the point is he is tall, broad shouldered, athletic build since he was crazy and he meant absolutely crazy about football and rugby and was team captain for both in school and university, and he loved driving sports cars, fencing, polo obviously, horse racing and every other physical activity that you could imagine, rock climbing, hiking, skiing, rowing and yes last but certainly not the least sex. He loved sex, and he was veering off the topic yet again now damn it!

So he was Arthur Pendragon, tall, broad, muscled in all the right places but not overly so like men who had overdosed on steroids and had biceps which looked like the behind of a particularly fat rat, no thankyou! He was slender but muscled, blond hair, blue eyes, an almost straight nose, crooked but perfectly shiny white teeth, full lips, and most importantly he was indescribably irredeemably rich. Rich to the point that he fit the saying ' _born with a silver spoon'_ , his family were descendants of Royalty belonging to the upper class British Elite and his father held a very important positon in the House of Lords.

Also he was a world famous Oscar winning actor at the age of twenty seven, he owned a production company thanks to aforementioned riches and was quite simply put one of the luckiest bloke that ever lived.

Only these pesky ancestral people had also said that ' _Money can't buy you love'_  and they were as always horribly and stupendously right about that.

And yes yes he did not want to sound like  _a whinging, whining, wallowing_  human being who thought love was the beginning and end of it all in the world, the ultimate purpose of anyone's existence and without love one would just  _wither wither wither_  and die.

Only bloody John Keats may have been right after all and maybe love was the center point of everybody's existence, nay, there was really no doubt about it to Arthur Pendragon now after having had it all and done it all and still found himself a dissatisfied mostly miserable wretch.

He had taken twenty seven years to admit to that point,  _'Love makes the world go around'_ and it really did. He'd tried about every evasion tactic known to avoid the truth of that sentence for years on end and now at the height of his carrier he could finally face up to the truth.

Now this revelation and acceptance wouldn't have jarred him so much if he'd acknowledged this universal truth only in the hopes of finally finding  _his 'one true love' or 'soulmate'_  or whatever corny thing you wanted to call it.

It wasn't even the fact that he was in the closet or the horrendous melancholy that came along with having to hide your sexuality or something like that because he'd been out for years now both to the public and to his near and dear, which was mostly just his father and Morgana.

It was the fact that he'd known who was his  _'one true love'_  ever since he was thirteen years old and pulling pigtails when he couldn't bear or even think of the revelation of both his sexuality and his attraction to the pesky, gangly, big eared poor scholarship student, when he'd been living in denialsville twenty four seven and all his deep seated attraction kept locked up within the deepest dumps of his mind came outpouring out of him in the most vile insults, in hard shoves and pushes, in painful fists and kicks and boy did he do a number on the one person he truly loved.

The revelation that love was what we all earn and want for wouldn't have been so painful to bear if he even had a remote chance of being with the person he loved since he was but a mislead bullying teenager.

And yes by now you may have guessed who he was so in love with that he was bleeding his heart out like he was Bella Swan or something.

Merlin Emrys, bane of his existence and love of his sodding life. Merlin the gangly awkward nerd who'd managed to metamorphose into this tall, elegant, fey creature every gay actor in the industry and probably gay population all over the world wanted to tumble.

Not that Arthur didn't find him attractive the minute he laid eyes on that full head of black messy hair framing those ridiculously high cheekbones, and the one feature that had registered instantly like a lightning bolt in his mind even back then, those lush lush lips that were so sinfully full and red and that taunted Arthur's self-control every time he saw them.

To do the object of his ardent and yawning affections justice Arthur will now describe him to his fullest capacity though a thousand words would fall short of explaining just how beautiful Merlin was and just how much Arthur longed to hold Merlin and call him his.

He was tall, taller than Arthur even at six feet two inches, black messy raven hair, deep soulful blue eyes that would drag you into their depths and make you fall into an endless black abyss if you looked too long, high cheekbones, plush lips that didn't belong on a man, elvine ears, pale skin and a slender willowy body which nevertheless filled out in the right places.

Merlin Emrys was also an internationally known two time Oscar Winning actor whose presence and charm everyone felt in their hearts because he came from the lowest possible corners of the society and made himself a name in an industry that spit out people like him on a regular basis, he was the quintessential poster boy for everyone who wanted to chase their dreams and become bigger than life, brighter than the stars. He was universally loved and his fame especially abroad only expounded as he became a rights activist, UNICEF member and donated millions to charity every year.

So yes, Merlin…THE love of his life was a bit beyond Arthur's reach and Arthur could see the irony in the situation now.

Being who he was he'd always arrogantly assumed that he was way out of league for the likes of Merlin Emrys, his first blow came when Merlin won an Oscar at twenty two long before Arthur had finally managed to.

And then as self-awareness crept up on him slowly but surely in the subsequent years when Merlin was bigger and brighter and hip he'd rebelled against it at first, being the poster bad boy rich privileged actor who partied hard and had not a care in life.

For a time it had almost been a competition between them on who would make the front page of next day's newspaper, Arthur with yet another scandalous act or Merlin with his visits to orphanages and hospitals in Africa.

Only Merlin didn't even know it was a competition, well atleast not in anyone but Arthur's mind. The last time he'd seen Merlin was when he dropped out of school after Arthur and his friends had destroyed his art project preventing Merlin from acquiring an important credit he needed to fulfill his course requirement and stay on as a scholarship student in the prestigious Cambridge University.

And though they ran in the same circles now and even saw each other at Award Ceremonies and Premiere's what with being the two most popular gay actors from the United Kingdom Merlin never acknowledged him on those events that they both had to attend as part of publicity and promoting their films.

Arthur in his formative years as a young budding actor had avoided Merlin like the plague finding one excuse or another to not go to Award shows at all or even if he did to make sure his manager found him a seat that was as far away from Merlin as possible so that they did not need to interact.

And then in his later years he'd covertly observe Merlin among his friends and other colleagues, someone had taught him how to be suave and charming and Arthur could see that it worked what with ladies and gents making a beeline for Merlin if they heard even a whisper that Merlin was in attendance, even Arthur didn't get such an otherworldly response from people that made them gravitate towards Merlin like he was the sun.

And then when he'd finally acknowledged his love for Merlin, that he was no better than those simpering fans who adored everything Merlin said and did he'd also come to the conclusion that Merlin Emrys would never ever want Arthur in the same way Arthur wanted and longed for Merlin.

How could he? After all Arthur had bullied him for years on end, he'd made Merlin cry on multiple occasions throughout school, he'd inflicted a black eye and a fracture that one time Merlin had shouted back at him to fuck off. And then he'd been the reason Merlin had had to drop out, Arthur could still see the hatred in Merlin's eyes that day he had left school and Arthur and his mates had taunted him mercilessly.

So yes Arthur was doomed to spend the rest of his life living without love, and no he was never going to fall in love with anyone else, no one else compared or came close to Merlin.

After moping for about a month in the way all love sick souls did Arthur had straightened up and thought that he could deal with this, he could deal with consequences of his actions, man up and ignore the constant ache in his chest and the heaviness in his mind that kept repeating something was missing in his life. He'd deserve the misery after all the pain he had caused Merlin, it was poetic justice even and he'd managed fairly well in so far except by some wicked God's will he had signed a contract to a film, a love story between two men in the Victorian age, a standard cliché where one was poor and one was rich, it was a cheeseball cheesy rom com and though it was not what Arthur usually went for as far as film roles were concerned he was also tired of pulling stunts all the time or acting in serious Oscar winning roles that were really taxing.

Only he'd signed before he knew who the other actor was. He was informed it would probably be Lancelot Du Lac and they were mates in Uni and got on fairly well, Arthur had no doubt they could get past the awkwardness of portraying a romantic relationship, especially the sex scenes as they could take the piss out of each other after. And hanging out with Lance would be a welcome relief from his depressing thoughts about Merlin and he might even find a way to move on and be normal instead of sulking and brooding all the time.

Initially he'd auditioned for the part of the poor farm boy protagonist who plots to kill the rich man's father in revenge of the rich man's father having burned their house for not paying the taxes that were due to the rich man's father.

But like always the director said that he would be much better suited for the role of the spoiled rich boy who plots to run away from his sheltered life in his mansion in order to escape marriage to a woman of his father's choosing.

He was being typecast and he knew it but he'd signed up for the role anyways, it was a fun cliché movie and he really wanted to be in one of those and distance himself from the Sylvester Stallone image he had in the film industry at the moment, all brawn, hulk and no complexity whatsoever. The role in this particular film was distinctly submissive especially in the raunchier scenes and though it made Arthur squirm just to imagine himself in the role it could be the break he needed to be seen differently.

But he would have never signed the contract if there was even an inkling that Merlin Emrys was going to be involved. He knew directors couldn't sometimes get the actors that they wanted for the part, scheduling conflicts and a lot of other things made actors cancel on roles all the time but he'd never thought for one moment that Merlin Emrys who had a reputation the likes of De Niro and Dustin Hoffman enjoyed would ever consider a role in a clichéd romantic drama!

Especially knowing Arthur was starring opposite to him in the titular role, there was no way Merlin couldn't have known Arthur's involvement with the film.

So when he got a call from the director saying Merlin Emrys was starring opposite to him as his on screen lover Arthur most predictably flipped!

And like always whenever he veered close to a mental breakdown it was his PR team which mostly meant Morgana and his agent Percy who faced the brunt of it.

"I can't do this Morgana!" Arthur said pacing the floor in his hotel room dressed sharply in a suit for the Premiere of his movie 'Batman Forever', he had to go and face the red carpet in a half an hour and word had got out that Merlin would be in attendance, and everyone, every dog and their minders in the UK and all over the world knew Arthur and Merlin were slated to act together in the new rom com 'Far and Away' directed by James Howard.

And two gay homeland actors who were both terribly famous but never acted together finally coming together to act especially in a gay romance had made people go  _absolutely ballistic_  and the response was overwhelming what with how many internet memes had popped up in just twelve hours after the announcement. His twitter page was flooding with fans exclaiming how exited they were for the movie and manips of Merlin and Arthur kissing, cuddling and doing more questionable things than kissing and cuddling!

Morgana looked up from her iphone in which she was no doubt browsing through all the internet memes that had popped up as she was laughing in that mean way she did only at Arthur.

"Well too bad, James isn't going to accept that now when you have signed a solid contract!" Morgana said and immediately went back to browsing in her phone.

"MORGANA!" Arthur screamed trying to get through to her on how much this was fraying his nerves.

Morgana looked up and Percy who was sitting on the sofa reading a book also finally looked up and he must have looked the part as Morgana's eyes softened some and Percy offered "He might have forgotten it all you know…"

Morgana and Percy were the few people who knew about Arthur and Merlin's rather horrid history and even they didn't know that Arthur was absolutely arse over tits for Merlin Emrys, the actor he pretended to despise.

Arthur ran his hands through his hair in frustration not caring that his stylist was going to have a fit if he'd ruined her meticulous efforts in styling Arthur's hair for the premiere.

"I can't do this…" he repeated, "I can't face him Morgana….please please get me out of it…" he said imploring.

"Don't you think you should just apologize and get past this petty rivalry you're both having?" Percy asked and then added, "Maybe this could be your chance at being forgiven and moving past that period of your life…"

Arthur sighed and huffed, "You don't understand Percy….I ruined his life…he's never going to forgive me, he hates me!"

Morgana was alarmed at the sheer desperation in Arthur's face, adding to the fact that he'd pleaded to her, Arthur never said please if he could help it so the fact that he was trying to escape this project when he was so excited about it a few days back just because Merlin was acting in it didn't make much sense to her. Sure it would be awkward after the way Arthur had treated Merlin in school but was that reason enough for Arthur running with his tail between his legs? Morgana couldn't help but think there was more to it than that.

"Alright now, we'll talk about this later, right now you have a premiere to attend so chop chop!" Morgana said as she bodily escorted him out of the hotel room and into the elevator as he kept cursing inside his head.

They were joined by their bodyguards in the lobby of the hotel room and soon they were speeding away in a BMW to the Odeon Leicester Square for a red carpet welcome and camera flashes.

Arthur was agitated the entire ride through London and Morgana and Percy looked at him worriedly and Morgana was getting more and more convinced that there was more to this than Arthur was saying. Arthur was so assuredly self-confident and brash, it was unlike him to be so wrong-footed and unsure and even more unlike him  _to show_  that he was feeling wrong-footed and unsure.

Finally they came to a stop where reporters were gathered in a crowd cameras at the ready and security guards were keeping the fans in line and preventing them from approaching the actors.

"Ready?" Morgana asked and it seemed to break Arthur out of the trance he was in and he looked up orienting himself for a minute before he had to get out. It always was strange to be greeted by so many flashes no matter how many times he'd experienced it so far.

Arthur made sure to take a deep breath and fixed a smile on his face as he opened the door and stepped out into the mayhem.

The flashes went off as people got crazy and shouted his name, he smiled and thought to himself….maybe Merlin wouldn't come and even if he did he'd keep his distance like always.

With that thought in mind he walked towards his fans signing autographs on autopilot now.

When they were in the middle of the movie Morgana leaned over and whispered in his ear "Merlin's here"

Arthur made no move to acknowledge that this affected him in any way and kept watching the screen where they were showing his thighs and butt in the tight black batman suit. His eyes were on the screen but his mind was elsewhere as he pondered on the why?  _Why did Merlin accept the role? Why? Why? Why?_

The after party was a mostly dull affair what with being attended by fellow actors and actresses and not enough booze to make him forget his predicament. Usually Arthur would be on the dance floor with a lady even though everyone knew he was gay but today Arthur had declined all requests for a dance and sat sipping his cocktail with a fancy little umbrella on the rim of his glass brooding.

"Mister Pendragon?" someone with a lightly lilting Irish accent asked and Arthur turned to see a woman dressed to the nines and quite pretty too standing beside him with an almost sheepish and uncertain expression. Arthur didn't know who the lady was and he didn't know if he could blow her off like the rest if she asked for a dance.

"Hello" Arthur said making sure his tone was polite and giving the lady a small smile encouraging her to say whatever she wanted to say.

"I'm Freya, I'm actor Merlin Emrys' agent and he asks if you can come to his table to talk…."

Arthur's eyes widened comically as his heart started to beat twice its normal rate, "Well that's unexpected…" Arthur said snappishly and immediately regretted it when Freya's face fell.

"I'm sorry…" Arthur said, and looked around for Morgana and Percy who were both absent and not within his line of sight, he decided to wing it after all even though he was feeling the urge to turn tails and run. "It's just that I have a prior engagement….as long as I can leave soon I will come."

Freya didn't look like she believed that lie but she smiled nonetheless and Arthur rose up and followed her back to the table where Merlin was sitting his hands held together in his lap, two men whom Arthur identified to be Gwaine Greene Merlin's personal assistant and the other man was pop artist Mordred.

Freya settled down in a chair close to Gwaine and Arthur plopped himself down on the only available space next to Mordred.

His hands were sweaty and he was nervous as fuck but he tried to appear confident as he gave Merlin a tentative smile hoping it didn't come out looking like a grimace.

Merlin didn't smile back but when he spoke Arthur felt like he was stranded in the freezing Antarctic cold, "Small world eh Pendragon?"

Arthur swallowed as his nervousness got the better of him, a gesture Merlin didn't miss if the slight smirk he sported was any indication and Arthur replied "I suppose so…"

And when Merlin continued to look at him silently not speaking anything Arthur started "Look Emrys….I have no idea why you accepted the role after knowing I was cast but for what it's worth I'm…"

Arthur didn't get the chance to finish his sentence as Merlin's voice interrupted, "Don't…"

Merlin's eyes hung and fixed Arthur right where he was, his tone was warning as he repeated again "Don't say it"

Apparently Merlin didn't want to hear Arthur's useless apology after all and Arthur looked down and nodded, what did he expect anyway? Merlin was acting in exactly the way Arthur had predicted he would, but that didn't mean it hurt any less.

"I'll try and get out of the role if I can…" Arthur went on blabbering even though he knew the contract wouldn't allow him to.

"Why?" Merlin asked his eyes questioning looking straight into Arthur's and Arthur just about managed to hold his gaze without flinching away.

There was an edge of steel in Merlin's eyes and tone that Arthur hadn't been privy to before, the Merlin he knew was so good natured and so abysmally insecure that this version of a Merlin who was confident and spoke harshly stunned him to no end.

"Do you not want to work with me?" Merlin asked again directly in a no nonsense tone.

Arthur felt wrong-footed and blinked before he answered "I thought….I thought I'll save us both the trouble….I can't imagine you want to work with me either."

"If I didn't want to work with you Pendragon I wouldn't have signed the contract."

"You do?" Arthur asked incredulous.

"Work is work…" Merlin paused and then with a patronizing note he said "I thought you would have grown up enough to not let the past interfere with it."

Arthur bit his lip to prevent himself from snapping back at the obvious affront, he didn't know what Merlin was playing at. If he was okay with Arthur being cast opposite him then why did he feel the need to stage an intervention now?

The fact that Arthur wasn't feeling grown up enough at twenty seven had nothing to do with his apprehension to work with Merlin, he just didn't want to be in close quarters to a person he'd mistreated grievously and loved immeasurably.

However Arthur still had his pride and he would not give in to his trepidation and admit he was scared shitless of being near Merlin and working in a film in which he played Merlin's longed for lover in front of his rival and all of his friends. Maybe, just maybe this was his opportunity to get over Merlin for good and cut his losses. Maybe he'd finally be able to redeem himself in Merlin's eyes and be able to find some form of closure though he doubted it looking into Merlin's eyes which held nothing but hardness to them.

He said "No…no if you don't have a problem working with me then I don't either." Arthur was proud his voice didn't shake and he got up not comfortable in Merlin's presence any longer, "I'll see you at the set…" before he turned quickly and walked as fast as he possibly could away from Merlin and all the feelings of abject guilt and longing assaulted him leaving him feeling raw and exposed and fighting to maintain control when all he wanted to do was wail at the injustice of it all. How was he ever going to manage to work with Merlin? Hell there were elaborate sex scenes in the film that required Arthur to be in a very compromising position, it was bad enough when it was some unknown actor but with Merlin Arthur lost all of his composure at once as his hands started to shake.

Morgana bless her found him just when he was about to have a panic attack in the middle of the after party and took his shoulder in a tight grip grounding him and preventing him flying off the handle as she led him out for once not teasing or mocking him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thankyou for reading! If you liked my work leave me some love at the comments section <3


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